Stream of Consciousness VII

the soulless stuff wins

past the screaming arrogant noise of the world
there's a silence

what is soulless is defined by the lack of this quiet place
entertainment is a distraction from it, and so by nature is soulless.

the noise must be allowed to be snuffed out

the nothingness grows and expands and engulfs the mind

a warm glow,
down there
somewhere at the bottom

I can't see very far, but little rays of light gently reflect and glow through the mist
 something is down there.

down in the silence, down in the formlessness, down in the gloom

I get all kinds of hallucinations, trying to decipher the fog
scary things, coming out to me, terrible, fearful things.
the emptiness terrifies, hard to approach.

but I have nowhere else to go, so I'll sit on this rock and stare into it

not really too afraid, at once comforted, hopeful, yet desperate and scared
how many people push this far? I wonder. Or do others even exist here, in the sense I've known?
my thoughts are too much noise, let them go. focus on the nothing.

endless nothing

it expands in all directions like another dimension
it's everywhere all at once and a complete discrepancy from the formal world

logic and reason, or what we call them, are useless here.
An ant brain trying to comprehend existence

and somehow I feel within my sentient being the capacity to understand
past the instincts, past the formal construct and processes of the brain, and going on's of the world around me.

it's down there at the bottom of me
it is the bottom.
it's the same thing.

interesting...
how I feel that existence is understandable through my own consciousness
it's an innate sense

my self is intimately linked to the deeper levels of the physics and science of the universe and existence. Far past the levels we have outwardly explored.

somehow, formed by it, and in some sort of symbiosis with it.
like the deeper levels of the univese experiencing themselves through me
a mind, a manifestation of these deeper levels, operating on the superficial level.

a mind, operating on this level, thus become attached to it and preoccupied with it.
a mind becomes coherent and adapted to the human brain, the whole construct, and thus operates on instincts and the prescribed patterns, in impulse, reason, reaction..

the association with the formal level, reasoning, instincts.. must be surpassed, severed, transcended. It is only of value when interacting on the superficial level, not for comprehending the depths.

the depths of the mind are mysterious, beyond the scope of the logic of this level.

nothing is irrational, nothing is crazy, when exploring these depths, all thoughts, feelings, have a basis in something and come from somewhere.
so, should not be laughed off uncomfortably as being too incoherent, too insane.
But explored.
Deeper.

there is... overwhelming inspiration and desire to be free.

attempting to analyze the thoughts is to describe them in form
but this slows down the process of exploring them, and brings me back to this level.

the inspiration felt here is timeless, like perpetually youthful.
I don't know what this inspiration means. What it represents.. only the sense that it comes from a deeper and more meaningful level. It is as hard to comprehend the meaning of meaning as it is to understand what my own consciousness is, exactly.

there's a sense of peace and completeness. Of things being right. Perhaps that's part of it..

Like I am free, beyond the world, and I am in love.
Not so much that I am in the experience of such a state, but a glimpse into its' fact of existence.

the world is an extremely minute realm, from the vantage point of this state

the previously ruthless and intimidating manmade structures of authority, society, are trivialized, and, in touch with something else, I am less afraid to speak a differing voice which contradicts the world's views.

attempting to describe the path to the state makes it harder to maintain hold of. The self consciousness, and sort of pride seems to destroy it. I have to be purely focused on it, in high sincerity.

it is for me.. it is for solitude. It is sacred and demands my full attention and seriousness, as like a jealous lover. Approached without ego.
I sort of feel the need to yield to it, in respect of it.

that's all for now.. the analyzation distracts.