we exist in homogeneity with society, mentally
we naturally homogenize to the same thinking
but the thinking of the human culture is not working
we realize this, but it is still very painful and difficult to forge a new path
I want a source outside of myself to lead me
like a scripture, or whatever
but I have to face the facts that I'm stuck in a world of children
It's lonely trying to forge your own path
but that seems to be the only way to answers or true spirituality
and perhaps that's the point,
learning to find our own inner guide,
rather then existing in the outer
a strong spirit seems to be defined by someone who is capable of following their own inner guide, following their own path, against all odds and outside influence. Inner authority that rules over the intimidation of outer authority.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Meditations
Try to think, without words.
What is happening? Inside your mind.
Now try to think without the formal constructs of what is known as 'reason' and 'logic', too.
Just pure feeling, or intuitive intelligence.
Now attempt to disregard all outside influence, from all peers, teachers, from the philosophies of our culture, their social movements, governments, your own religious or spiritual ideologies, yes, everything, including any ideals some stoners have about consciousness, the universe, the nature of self, etc, anything you've been taught by music, or a movie, or show, all our behavioral training, everything, try to force out and purge yourself of all worldly influence.
Everything you have been pushed into feeling too embarrassed to admit you feel (let alone say), everything that seems too crazy to entertain thoughts about, everything that has been demonized or stigmatized in your mind, forget about all of that, purge all of that out too. Mentally fast and detoxify.
What is left? What do you believe? What are you? Who do you really want to be?
I enjoy going into the shower, kind of crouching and curling up, putting my head down and letting the warm water wash over me. Closing my eyes and just contemplating these thoughts. Or when lying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep. It seems to work best for me in those moments, and then I drift.
What is happening? Inside your mind.
Now try to think without the formal constructs of what is known as 'reason' and 'logic', too.
Just pure feeling, or intuitive intelligence.
Now attempt to disregard all outside influence, from all peers, teachers, from the philosophies of our culture, their social movements, governments, your own religious or spiritual ideologies, yes, everything, including any ideals some stoners have about consciousness, the universe, the nature of self, etc, anything you've been taught by music, or a movie, or show, all our behavioral training, everything, try to force out and purge yourself of all worldly influence.
Everything you have been pushed into feeling too embarrassed to admit you feel (let alone say), everything that seems too crazy to entertain thoughts about, everything that has been demonized or stigmatized in your mind, forget about all of that, purge all of that out too. Mentally fast and detoxify.
What is left? What do you believe? What are you? Who do you really want to be?
I enjoy going into the shower, kind of crouching and curling up, putting my head down and letting the warm water wash over me. Closing my eyes and just contemplating these thoughts. Or when lying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep. It seems to work best for me in those moments, and then I drift.
 |
| "(SORI XIV) Everywhere Light" |
Friday, December 11, 2015
Stream of Consciousness VIII
Snow falls
gently
slow motion
the air is still
everything is quiet
a blanket, covering the earth
as if to put it to sleep
...rest...
in an empty house
I could watch, safe inside
and as I do I close my eyes...
there are no traces of the life I lived before
nor of the world that will be
I am somewhere else..
home.
the magical interest everything has to a child
inside my head a place still exists
that I remember from childhood,
alone, staring out my window
in the night
in the cold
wondering what lies beyond..
the promise of another world
I felt it then
like everything is safe,
everything is assured
as I return there now,
as a creature feeling so much older, weighed down,
it hasn't changed.
it goes on in youth forever
ancient memories,
I can reach them still
the sanity of the world outside is insane
this other world is the only thing that makes sense
gently
slow motion
the air is still
everything is quiet
a blanket, covering the earth
as if to put it to sleep
...rest...
in an empty house
I could watch, safe inside
and as I do I close my eyes...
there are no traces of the life I lived before
nor of the world that will be
I am somewhere else..
home.
the magical interest everything has to a child
inside my head a place still exists
that I remember from childhood,
alone, staring out my window
in the night
in the cold
wondering what lies beyond..
the promise of another world
I felt it then
like everything is safe,
everything is assured
as I return there now,
as a creature feeling so much older, weighed down,
it hasn't changed.
it goes on in youth forever
ancient memories,
I can reach them still
the sanity of the world outside is insane
this other world is the only thing that makes sense
 |
| "- (snowfall / white sleeves)" |
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Stream of Consciousness VII
the soulless stuff wins
past the screaming arrogant noise of the world
there's a silence
what is soulless is defined by the lack of this quiet place
entertainment is a distraction from it, and so by nature is soulless.
the noise must be allowed to be snuffed out
the nothingness grows and expands and engulfs the mind
a warm glow,
down there
somewhere at the bottom
I can't see very far, but little rays of light gently reflect and glow through the mist
something is down there.
down in the silence, down in the formlessness, down in the gloom
I get all kinds of hallucinations, trying to decipher the fog
scary things, coming out to me, terrible, fearful things.
the emptiness terrifies, hard to approach.
but I have nowhere else to go, so I'll sit on this rock and stare into it
not really too afraid, at once comforted, hopeful, yet desperate and scared
how many people push this far? I wonder. Or do others even exist here, in the sense I've known?
my thoughts are too much noise, let them go. focus on the nothing.
endless nothing
it expands in all directions like another dimension
it's everywhere all at once and a complete discrepancy from the formal world
logic and reason, or what we call them, are useless here.
An ant brain trying to comprehend existence
and somehow I feel within my sentient being the capacity to understand
past the instincts, past the formal construct and processes of the brain, and going on's of the world around me.
it's down there at the bottom of me
it is the bottom.
it's the same thing.
interesting...
how I feel that existence is understandable through my own consciousness
it's an innate sense
my self is intimately linked to the deeper levels of the physics and science of the universe and existence. Far past the levels we have outwardly explored.
somehow, formed by it, and in some sort of symbiosis with it.
like the deeper levels of the univese experiencing themselves through me
a mind, a manifestation of these deeper levels, operating on the superficial level.
a mind, operating on this level, thus become attached to it and preoccupied with it.
a mind becomes coherent and adapted to the human brain, the whole construct, and thus operates on instincts and the prescribed patterns, in impulse, reason, reaction..
the association with the formal level, reasoning, instincts.. must be surpassed, severed, transcended. It is only of value when interacting on the superficial level, not for comprehending the depths.
the depths of the mind are mysterious, beyond the scope of the logic of this level.
nothing is irrational, nothing is crazy, when exploring these depths, all thoughts, feelings, have a basis in something and come from somewhere.
so, should not be laughed off uncomfortably as being too incoherent, too insane.
But explored.
Deeper.
there is... overwhelming inspiration and desire to be free.
attempting to analyze the thoughts is to describe them in form
but this slows down the process of exploring them, and brings me back to this level.
the inspiration felt here is timeless, like perpetually youthful.
I don't know what this inspiration means. What it represents.. only the sense that it comes from a deeper and more meaningful level. It is as hard to comprehend the meaning of meaning as it is to understand what my own consciousness is, exactly.
there's a sense of peace and completeness. Of things being right. Perhaps that's part of it..
Like I am free, beyond the world, and I am in love.
Not so much that I am in the experience of such a state, but a glimpse into its' fact of existence.
the world is an extremely minute realm, from the vantage point of this state
the previously ruthless and intimidating manmade structures of authority, society, are trivialized, and, in touch with something else, I am less afraid to speak a differing voice which contradicts the world's views.
attempting to describe the path to the state makes it harder to maintain hold of. The self consciousness, and sort of pride seems to destroy it. I have to be purely focused on it, in high sincerity.
it is for me.. it is for solitude. It is sacred and demands my full attention and seriousness, as like a jealous lover. Approached without ego.
I sort of feel the need to yield to it, in respect of it.
that's all for now.. the analyzation distracts.
past the screaming arrogant noise of the world
there's a silence
what is soulless is defined by the lack of this quiet place
entertainment is a distraction from it, and so by nature is soulless.
the noise must be allowed to be snuffed out
the nothingness grows and expands and engulfs the mind
a warm glow,
down there
somewhere at the bottom
I can't see very far, but little rays of light gently reflect and glow through the mist
something is down there.
down in the silence, down in the formlessness, down in the gloom
I get all kinds of hallucinations, trying to decipher the fog
scary things, coming out to me, terrible, fearful things.
the emptiness terrifies, hard to approach.
but I have nowhere else to go, so I'll sit on this rock and stare into it
not really too afraid, at once comforted, hopeful, yet desperate and scared
how many people push this far? I wonder. Or do others even exist here, in the sense I've known?
my thoughts are too much noise, let them go. focus on the nothing.
endless nothing
it expands in all directions like another dimension
it's everywhere all at once and a complete discrepancy from the formal world
logic and reason, or what we call them, are useless here.
An ant brain trying to comprehend existence
and somehow I feel within my sentient being the capacity to understand
past the instincts, past the formal construct and processes of the brain, and going on's of the world around me.
it's down there at the bottom of me
it is the bottom.
it's the same thing.
interesting...
how I feel that existence is understandable through my own consciousness
it's an innate sense
my self is intimately linked to the deeper levels of the physics and science of the universe and existence. Far past the levels we have outwardly explored.
somehow, formed by it, and in some sort of symbiosis with it.
like the deeper levels of the univese experiencing themselves through me
a mind, a manifestation of these deeper levels, operating on the superficial level.
a mind, operating on this level, thus become attached to it and preoccupied with it.
a mind becomes coherent and adapted to the human brain, the whole construct, and thus operates on instincts and the prescribed patterns, in impulse, reason, reaction..
the association with the formal level, reasoning, instincts.. must be surpassed, severed, transcended. It is only of value when interacting on the superficial level, not for comprehending the depths.
the depths of the mind are mysterious, beyond the scope of the logic of this level.
nothing is irrational, nothing is crazy, when exploring these depths, all thoughts, feelings, have a basis in something and come from somewhere.
so, should not be laughed off uncomfortably as being too incoherent, too insane.
But explored.
Deeper.
there is... overwhelming inspiration and desire to be free.
attempting to analyze the thoughts is to describe them in form
but this slows down the process of exploring them, and brings me back to this level.
the inspiration felt here is timeless, like perpetually youthful.
I don't know what this inspiration means. What it represents.. only the sense that it comes from a deeper and more meaningful level. It is as hard to comprehend the meaning of meaning as it is to understand what my own consciousness is, exactly.
there's a sense of peace and completeness. Of things being right. Perhaps that's part of it..
Like I am free, beyond the world, and I am in love.
Not so much that I am in the experience of such a state, but a glimpse into its' fact of existence.
the world is an extremely minute realm, from the vantage point of this state
the previously ruthless and intimidating manmade structures of authority, society, are trivialized, and, in touch with something else, I am less afraid to speak a differing voice which contradicts the world's views.
attempting to describe the path to the state makes it harder to maintain hold of. The self consciousness, and sort of pride seems to destroy it. I have to be purely focused on it, in high sincerity.
it is for me.. it is for solitude. It is sacred and demands my full attention and seriousness, as like a jealous lover. Approached without ego.
I sort of feel the need to yield to it, in respect of it.
that's all for now.. the analyzation distracts.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Spiritual, Emotional & Physical Pain
The pain of the emptiness of loneliness. Of jealousy, of being without or outside while others have, possess. It is like a weight pulling down on my soul.
It is literally and physically a feeling like the pain of hunger. Like my insides are being stabbed, a thousand tiny needles, generally within my abdomen, or heart and chest, depending. It's almost indistinguishable, but not enough that I can't sense when I'm hungry..
And yet, I feel that I could actually be prone to eating when I'm not necessarily hungry, because of it.
If it wasn't for my very non-addictive, non-disordered psyche, it would be easy to imagine me developing an "eating disorder" of eating too much and becoming overweight.
As a soul I experience this world sensorially through my body, like my soul stretched out into the information I receive, and it seems like profound experiences even translate in this way, to a physical experience of pain.
And it never really goes away.
It is the pain of caring.
It is the pain of love, and devotion.
Love is given value through suffering. Significance. It is as if I am building love, and that is the meaning of suffering.
The world ubiquitously ignores it, despite it being the most indeniable and powerful thing I've ever felt. The only real thing that upsets me about life. And there's something very suspicious and revealing about that? But perhaps it is also just too ugly for most people - weak souls - to look at.
It is literally and physically a feeling like the pain of hunger. Like my insides are being stabbed, a thousand tiny needles, generally within my abdomen, or heart and chest, depending. It's almost indistinguishable, but not enough that I can't sense when I'm hungry..
And yet, I feel that I could actually be prone to eating when I'm not necessarily hungry, because of it.
If it wasn't for my very non-addictive, non-disordered psyche, it would be easy to imagine me developing an "eating disorder" of eating too much and becoming overweight.
As a soul I experience this world sensorially through my body, like my soul stretched out into the information I receive, and it seems like profound experiences even translate in this way, to a physical experience of pain.
And it never really goes away.
It is the pain of caring.
It is the pain of love, and devotion.
Love is given value through suffering. Significance. It is as if I am building love, and that is the meaning of suffering.
The world ubiquitously ignores it, despite it being the most indeniable and powerful thing I've ever felt. The only real thing that upsets me about life. And there's something very suspicious and revealing about that? But perhaps it is also just too ugly for most people - weak souls - to look at.
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