People will like you, but will not understand what it is that makes them like you, what traits and qualities. What they might say to justify it is generally a poor understanding of themselves, and a superficial interpretation. They don't know what qualities makes a person truly valuable.
This opens up the way for people to really like a person while simultaneously speaking scathingly against the very values that person stands for most and is all about. Sometimes they will even do this in an attempt to impress that person, to make them think they are 'cool', only to disturb them.
Of course, there's plenty of (mostly?) faux-respect we have for each other, based on manipulations, instincts, intimidation. For example, the way people are impressed by aggressiveness, or will obsess over someone who ignores them, or drawn towards someone who can provide them with rub-off status or power. This is not true good respect about a person however.
As for why often times people with good qualities are disrespected anyways? I'm not really sure, but I suppose it's sort of the inverse of the above faux-respect. Like someone who you feel will tarnish your own status with their own 'loser' status, so you are compelled to ridicule them to gain power, and the value they have is not readily apparent or expressed enough to overcome such instincts.
Anways...
one way or another, we don't know what has value.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Monday, September 14, 2015
Why Nothing Changes
I think I got a grip on how the 'modern' human mind works,
spend half of all your time trying to be "sexy",
spend the other half of all your time complaining and acting confused as to why gender roles, problems, and polarity "still" exist. not to mention all the other problems in the world. And why nothing ever changes. It's what you wanted?
So we get this paradigm shoved down our throat where we're constantly being fed these conflicting messages. Like, "you can do this but just don't act these certain particular ways about it." And being told what we need to do to fix the problem, you know, like all the feminist "rules", but the goal is something that is literally impossible to attain. You do what they tell you, and you'll find you're doomed to never being able to get it right. Because people want to have their cake and eat it, too. You can't change the problem by rearranging the surface, and we choose this distraction of the surface to avoid the real problem. If you want to be a body instead of aspiring to be a mind, that's what you get. And in actuality I think it may go even farther than that; I'm not sure people even really want to change anything. They just want to manipulate ideological structures to gain ego, manage guilt and push blame around. I get the hugest sense of irony from people when they do this, and I think they subconsciously feel it too. Because that's what you do when you feel guilty, you put on a facade that seems opposite, to portray yourself as righteous.
spend half of all your time trying to be "sexy",
spend the other half of all your time complaining and acting confused as to why gender roles, problems, and polarity "still" exist. not to mention all the other problems in the world. And why nothing ever changes. It's what you wanted?
So we get this paradigm shoved down our throat where we're constantly being fed these conflicting messages. Like, "you can do this but just don't act these certain particular ways about it." And being told what we need to do to fix the problem, you know, like all the feminist "rules", but the goal is something that is literally impossible to attain. You do what they tell you, and you'll find you're doomed to never being able to get it right. Because people want to have their cake and eat it, too. You can't change the problem by rearranging the surface, and we choose this distraction of the surface to avoid the real problem. If you want to be a body instead of aspiring to be a mind, that's what you get. And in actuality I think it may go even farther than that; I'm not sure people even really want to change anything. They just want to manipulate ideological structures to gain ego, manage guilt and push blame around. I get the hugest sense of irony from people when they do this, and I think they subconsciously feel it too. Because that's what you do when you feel guilty, you put on a facade that seems opposite, to portray yourself as righteous.
Monday, August 3, 2015
Conformity, Social Pressures & Guilt
I mentioned before how guilt is often, perhaps even mostly just the fear of going against other people's opinions on right and wrong, rather than a sincere inward quest.
As I experientially follow this line of thinking, I find it interesting where my psychology moves to. It can be unnatural to hold onto at times if I stop thinking, I guess I tend to default back to a conformist interpretation of right and wrong. But if I maintain focus and awareness and look inside myself for what is right and wrong, I find something else.
I am aware that at times I have even been afraid to confront myself in how I really feel about something, this or that. When the group states its opinion about how right or wrong something is, I feel the overwhelming pressure to clam up on my inner self, to not even ask myself how I really feel and go into denial with myself. Like I feel like I'm just an unknowing creature, that wouldn't dare go against the tide of others. Like I wouldn't want to go against what the crowd is thinking, like I want to prove myself to the crowd that I'm not "one of those people", and this pressure pushes upon me is as if god himself was telling me I'm guilty and damned, and I'm desperately trying to escape accusation without so much as even considering to stop and ask myself how I really feel.
This kind of guilt, it's not even sincere guilt, I find. It's just conformity, the social pressures.
I guess you could say that we are feeble creatures, humans, and so for us other people hold authority, as we look for answers and right and wrong. But we should be the ones who hold authority. Not the arrogance of self-power, but consulting the self, and letting honesty, this inner sense be your guide, and your god, not other people (or ideologies, religions, political thought systems, etc.)
And yet it's still hard in many ways to fully face and confront the fact of just how different my conception is of how I really feel about everything, from what the world shows and tells me I should feel. How backward the world is, on both right and wrong. I think my personal and private world, my private self, in an aspect, gains it's sense of personalization and vulnerability from this concept itself. The fact that it differs so much, that what I really feel I am afraid to admit to, even to myself.
This difference between how the world says things are and how I really feel is profound and disturbingly disjointed. How to put.... I guess you could say kind of like a spiritual conspiracy theory.
And, on somewhat of a side thought, what are "conspiracy theories" anyways? I think we as humans have attraction to them, on an emotional level. And I think that's because they represent something to us. This sense we have or wish to have that there is some grand design running beneath everything, hidden, and when we find it, it blows everything else out of the water. I think we have this attraction to the concept of conspiracy theories because it's a distant, removed metaphor for what we are sensing on a subconscious, spiritual level, towards our lives and existence in a much more general and deeper sense.
As I experientially follow this line of thinking, I find it interesting where my psychology moves to. It can be unnatural to hold onto at times if I stop thinking, I guess I tend to default back to a conformist interpretation of right and wrong. But if I maintain focus and awareness and look inside myself for what is right and wrong, I find something else.
I am aware that at times I have even been afraid to confront myself in how I really feel about something, this or that. When the group states its opinion about how right or wrong something is, I feel the overwhelming pressure to clam up on my inner self, to not even ask myself how I really feel and go into denial with myself. Like I feel like I'm just an unknowing creature, that wouldn't dare go against the tide of others. Like I wouldn't want to go against what the crowd is thinking, like I want to prove myself to the crowd that I'm not "one of those people", and this pressure pushes upon me is as if god himself was telling me I'm guilty and damned, and I'm desperately trying to escape accusation without so much as even considering to stop and ask myself how I really feel.
This kind of guilt, it's not even sincere guilt, I find. It's just conformity, the social pressures.
I guess you could say that we are feeble creatures, humans, and so for us other people hold authority, as we look for answers and right and wrong. But we should be the ones who hold authority. Not the arrogance of self-power, but consulting the self, and letting honesty, this inner sense be your guide, and your god, not other people (or ideologies, religions, political thought systems, etc.)
And yet it's still hard in many ways to fully face and confront the fact of just how different my conception is of how I really feel about everything, from what the world shows and tells me I should feel. How backward the world is, on both right and wrong. I think my personal and private world, my private self, in an aspect, gains it's sense of personalization and vulnerability from this concept itself. The fact that it differs so much, that what I really feel I am afraid to admit to, even to myself.
This difference between how the world says things are and how I really feel is profound and disturbingly disjointed. How to put.... I guess you could say kind of like a spiritual conspiracy theory.
And, on somewhat of a side thought, what are "conspiracy theories" anyways? I think we as humans have attraction to them, on an emotional level. And I think that's because they represent something to us. This sense we have or wish to have that there is some grand design running beneath everything, hidden, and when we find it, it blows everything else out of the water. I think we have this attraction to the concept of conspiracy theories because it's a distant, removed metaphor for what we are sensing on a subconscious, spiritual level, towards our lives and existence in a much more general and deeper sense.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Not So Special Disorder
As they say, "everyone's got something". Everyone thinks they have a special 'disorder' or issue, and perceives this state as something more unique to them than it actually is.
What this really refects when you realize the ubiquity of this kind of mentality, is the fact that culture is so artificial and false. The nature of what we really experience and the way our minds actually operate is stigmatized to the point where we don't even dare to confront our selves.
So these vulnerabilities - the sense of significance we have for things, what hurts us, what upsets us, what we secretly have sensitivity towards - get intimidated first, and then repressed through that intimidation, and finally morphed and contorted into a complexity of other supposed shallow issues that we inevitably project the repressed anxiety onto.
And no one is in a position to fix the problem. The psychologists and therapists are just in league with the problem. They'd love for you to believe that your real problem is just addiction to cigarettes or "low self esteem" or "bipolar disorder". The politicians are just in the game too, of people who channel all their anxiety into politics. Even the gurus and authors and preachers usually just end up in the business of selling shallow advice and capitalizing on social trends.
What this really refects when you realize the ubiquity of this kind of mentality, is the fact that culture is so artificial and false. The nature of what we really experience and the way our minds actually operate is stigmatized to the point where we don't even dare to confront our selves.
So these vulnerabilities - the sense of significance we have for things, what hurts us, what upsets us, what we secretly have sensitivity towards - get intimidated first, and then repressed through that intimidation, and finally morphed and contorted into a complexity of other supposed shallow issues that we inevitably project the repressed anxiety onto.
And no one is in a position to fix the problem. The psychologists and therapists are just in league with the problem. They'd love for you to believe that your real problem is just addiction to cigarettes or "low self esteem" or "bipolar disorder". The politicians are just in the game too, of people who channel all their anxiety into politics. Even the gurus and authors and preachers usually just end up in the business of selling shallow advice and capitalizing on social trends.
All anyone can do is confront their own self directly and learn the truth, to escape from being a false, manipulated pawn of culture. To be true. These problems are the inevitable result of power hungry culture; a lack of love; a lack of responsibility by all people to give validation. The misuse, collection and bastardization of love for power. As soon as that is broken, and excused, the intimidation, manipulation, rationalization, deception, distraction, repression, and all the other problems begin, and cannot be stopped.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Morbid Fascination of Sexuality
It's funny how the psychology that drives sexuality (and everything that follows) turns everyone into everything they would otherwise never want to be. It's this morbid fascination for humanity. It will turn you into a blithering dog of a creature while telling you that you are gaining value. And everything is rendered backwards according to it's own ideology.. it is very curious how it distorts the perception of everything so radically. It is exactly the reason for so much wrong and soullessness in the world, yet through the mentality of sexual egotism people are led to believe it offers salvation for everything.
A small example, let's take art or music.. it is exactly the sort of soulful inspiration quite apart from sexuality that gives it any and all meaning. These themes of things like having one's own personal world, uniqueness, individuality, personal value, the sense of belonging, or not belonging, or belonging to an outside group, alienation, sadness, anger, passion, depth of love, depth of self-understanding, sentiment, nostalgia, and so on, and it is exactly things like power hungry social dynamics that ultimately end up destroying the meaning that music had or could have. This concept of "selling out".. it's a wonder people don't realize how it's basically a parable for the mentality behind sexuality. And yet again and again, endlessly, we see stupid artists thinking that if they add more sexuality/related ego nature to their act, desperately, that they're making it "cooler". And time and again, before you know it, they're all washed up. They end up just seeking acceptance and power, and don't even realize that not only are they losing the meaning, (this underlying value, themes that drew people to them in the first place and gave them a sense of connection) but that this is the exact reason they're losing meaning. They end up seeking acceptance and power, social hierarchy, inclusion of themselves at the exclusion of others, superficiality, and nobody respects that, not on the deepest level, not really. It seems "cool", I guess, to them, at the time they're doing it. And yet, no matter what they claim, nor how "extreme" they go about it, manipulating the surface to portray themselves as special, they're just being weak, yielding to pressure, conforming, losing integrity, and they have nothing real to say, because they have lost sight of the foundation of value, in favor of power and ego.
A small example, let's take art or music.. it is exactly the sort of soulful inspiration quite apart from sexuality that gives it any and all meaning. These themes of things like having one's own personal world, uniqueness, individuality, personal value, the sense of belonging, or not belonging, or belonging to an outside group, alienation, sadness, anger, passion, depth of love, depth of self-understanding, sentiment, nostalgia, and so on, and it is exactly things like power hungry social dynamics that ultimately end up destroying the meaning that music had or could have. This concept of "selling out".. it's a wonder people don't realize how it's basically a parable for the mentality behind sexuality. And yet again and again, endlessly, we see stupid artists thinking that if they add more sexuality/related ego nature to their act, desperately, that they're making it "cooler". And time and again, before you know it, they're all washed up. They end up just seeking acceptance and power, and don't even realize that not only are they losing the meaning, (this underlying value, themes that drew people to them in the first place and gave them a sense of connection) but that this is the exact reason they're losing meaning. They end up seeking acceptance and power, social hierarchy, inclusion of themselves at the exclusion of others, superficiality, and nobody respects that, not on the deepest level, not really. It seems "cool", I guess, to them, at the time they're doing it. And yet, no matter what they claim, nor how "extreme" they go about it, manipulating the surface to portray themselves as special, they're just being weak, yielding to pressure, conforming, losing integrity, and they have nothing real to say, because they have lost sight of the foundation of value, in favor of power and ego.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Non-Judgmentalism II
There is, of course, bad in certain kinds of judgments. Since I made it clear in my last post on judgmentalism that I'm not against being judgmental, let's spell out the difference between different kinds of judgments.
Everywhere I've been I've seen the same thing.. When I'm at work and have to take orders, there is, as with every job I've ever had and all customer-employee relations, the very strong sense of the hostility for the general customer base, and the employees in return.
These people are hanging by a thread, just waiting for you to mess up, so they can jump on you and make a judgment. You can absolutely sense it.
In return, the employees are utterly aligned against the customers. There's always the griping, and mocking customers behind their back, talking about the orders and the people and what they say and do, and how stupid they are perceived to be. And this is constant.
Sometimes customers will be especially "nice", trying real hard to force a nice demeanor, really contrived. I don't think too much differently of this, since it essentially seems to be motivated by a desire to feel superior to all the 'negative' others.
Maybe a lot of this griping is just letting off steam over rotten people that are upsetting.
But behind a lot of these attitudes people display, is the desire to feel superior. To gain power.
So often there's this attitude like "everyone else outside of us is stupid and inferior, but we - the people of this particular group - we get it." And I hate that. They can't see that they're all just the same, and doing the same.
Making these judgments about the customers or employees, just waiting for your chance to jump on them and be like "A-Ha! you're stupid!", makes us feel special and superior and set apart from the masses, yet in a very shallow and false way.
But it's too easy to make false associations. Because people exhibit this destructive behavior in every corner of the earth, it's too easy to look at it and go "oh, being angry with others is bad, making judgments about others is bad." But it's really just the specific aspect of attempting to gain power and superiority.
There is hate and judgment for the purpose of ego and power, and there is sincere hate and judgment over the genuine feeling of hurt by the abuse of the hunger for power.
It seems that sufficiently lost individuals are unable to firmly hold on to the distinction between the two. Perhaps they would read this and intellectually agree with it, but then they would exercise hatred against others for the purpose of feeling special, while attempting to claim it's the honest breed. Maybe they even cloak it that way to disguise from themselves so they can get away with it and get what they want.
I of course can't be the arbitrator of all disputes, but the distinction is rather clear to me.
Holding back enough of my judgments for long enough, over the course of years, in favor of a forced smile in the face of disturbing, power-hungry lifestyles, left me only still feeling a screaming, unsilenceable voice inside, saying even louder this time that "remaining silent and passive is absolutely wrong!" And this built in me the understanding that there must be something wrong with the philosophy of non-judgmentalism, and an understanding of the difference, which I do not even really feel tempted to abuse. Not even against those who have my sincere judgments. If I hate someone, I hate them for the sincere reasons, and leave the judgements that give me a high of superiority out of it. Because I know that sooner or later, having that sort of attitude only leaves me feeling cheap and soulless. I'm not trying to dance on their grave, I'm genuinely hurt and disturbed by them, and feel it would be a betrayal of love to not speak passionately against what they say or do. And when I'm passionately speaking, I'll take care not to get lost in my passion and start feeling special and superior about it... if I lose sight of what's important, if I start getting a self conscious sense of ego about myself in my anger, if I start thinking of myself as 'big and bad', I'll lose sight of the message, lose my will, and the message will become destroyed. What is important is what is important. Hatred should have genuine soul in it, and such soulful hatred should not be restrained. (strategic reasoning aside)
The idea that hatred is antithetical to love is a misconception, and probably comes from the external appearance of things. Being angry does not, after all, put on a very affectionate display of things. It's not something of a positive or affirming demeanor. But hatred nonetheless is one of several necessary tools to be used in the service of honest love. It's defense of the meek, and love is worth defending. Forget everything Jesus or Gandhi or Buddha told you, because their words have been spread all about by popular culture, yet have not borne fruit. You can't let the intimidation of the authority such figures carry socially get in the way of what your heart honestly feels is right. Some of them repeatedly told you to look inside yourself anyways, so why feel guilty for listening to your deeper self alone, as best you can understand it.
It's the desire for power and ego versus the desire for love.. again as always. Nothing else is important.
Everywhere I've been I've seen the same thing.. When I'm at work and have to take orders, there is, as with every job I've ever had and all customer-employee relations, the very strong sense of the hostility for the general customer base, and the employees in return.
These people are hanging by a thread, just waiting for you to mess up, so they can jump on you and make a judgment. You can absolutely sense it.
In return, the employees are utterly aligned against the customers. There's always the griping, and mocking customers behind their back, talking about the orders and the people and what they say and do, and how stupid they are perceived to be. And this is constant.
Sometimes customers will be especially "nice", trying real hard to force a nice demeanor, really contrived. I don't think too much differently of this, since it essentially seems to be motivated by a desire to feel superior to all the 'negative' others.
Maybe a lot of this griping is just letting off steam over rotten people that are upsetting.
But behind a lot of these attitudes people display, is the desire to feel superior. To gain power.
So often there's this attitude like "everyone else outside of us is stupid and inferior, but we - the people of this particular group - we get it." And I hate that. They can't see that they're all just the same, and doing the same.
Making these judgments about the customers or employees, just waiting for your chance to jump on them and be like "A-Ha! you're stupid!", makes us feel special and superior and set apart from the masses, yet in a very shallow and false way.
But it's too easy to make false associations. Because people exhibit this destructive behavior in every corner of the earth, it's too easy to look at it and go "oh, being angry with others is bad, making judgments about others is bad." But it's really just the specific aspect of attempting to gain power and superiority.
There is hate and judgment for the purpose of ego and power, and there is sincere hate and judgment over the genuine feeling of hurt by the abuse of the hunger for power.
It seems that sufficiently lost individuals are unable to firmly hold on to the distinction between the two. Perhaps they would read this and intellectually agree with it, but then they would exercise hatred against others for the purpose of feeling special, while attempting to claim it's the honest breed. Maybe they even cloak it that way to disguise from themselves so they can get away with it and get what they want.
I of course can't be the arbitrator of all disputes, but the distinction is rather clear to me.
Holding back enough of my judgments for long enough, over the course of years, in favor of a forced smile in the face of disturbing, power-hungry lifestyles, left me only still feeling a screaming, unsilenceable voice inside, saying even louder this time that "remaining silent and passive is absolutely wrong!" And this built in me the understanding that there must be something wrong with the philosophy of non-judgmentalism, and an understanding of the difference, which I do not even really feel tempted to abuse. Not even against those who have my sincere judgments. If I hate someone, I hate them for the sincere reasons, and leave the judgements that give me a high of superiority out of it. Because I know that sooner or later, having that sort of attitude only leaves me feeling cheap and soulless. I'm not trying to dance on their grave, I'm genuinely hurt and disturbed by them, and feel it would be a betrayal of love to not speak passionately against what they say or do. And when I'm passionately speaking, I'll take care not to get lost in my passion and start feeling special and superior about it... if I lose sight of what's important, if I start getting a self conscious sense of ego about myself in my anger, if I start thinking of myself as 'big and bad', I'll lose sight of the message, lose my will, and the message will become destroyed. What is important is what is important. Hatred should have genuine soul in it, and such soulful hatred should not be restrained. (strategic reasoning aside)
The idea that hatred is antithetical to love is a misconception, and probably comes from the external appearance of things. Being angry does not, after all, put on a very affectionate display of things. It's not something of a positive or affirming demeanor. But hatred nonetheless is one of several necessary tools to be used in the service of honest love. It's defense of the meek, and love is worth defending. Forget everything Jesus or Gandhi or Buddha told you, because their words have been spread all about by popular culture, yet have not borne fruit. You can't let the intimidation of the authority such figures carry socially get in the way of what your heart honestly feels is right. Some of them repeatedly told you to look inside yourself anyways, so why feel guilty for listening to your deeper self alone, as best you can understand it.
It's the desire for power and ego versus the desire for love.. again as always. Nothing else is important.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
You Are Being Lied To
There is a special place in hell for all those who use the "insecure" accusation against others' loneliness and jealousy, to keep awareness away from the repressed guilt that whore culture carries.
Everyone knows what it means to give your love, to give yourself, what your personal world means, what it means to be alone, and to invest in that solitude, as a gift, and to be betrayed in all of these things - no one can be so stupid, to deny this. And yet, here they are. This should be the most obvious of all things in existence, and yet most have stigmatized all awareness of it, more than anything else in the world. People need love, the validation, safety and preservation of their personal world, to belong and exist in fairness and promise, to receive the love they give, and there is no excuse, no manipulation, no slut rhetoric, no lie that will ever completely erase that fact forever. You cover it up, and it just boils over, as it has been for millennia. The meaning of love hides in plain sight.
You are being systematically lied to, manipulated and controlled, everywhere in every aspect of culture, for the purpose of others' domination and power. To
believe that you are a defect, a mythological creature, and that your
feelings are unwarranted, invalid. To make you question yourself for even thinking that you might be different.
If you are alone, if you value yourself, and your personal world, if you can't bring yourself to give up on love as easily as everyone else... This is for you. And your feelings, which are valid. And all the hatred, all the jealousy, all the sadness, all the sense of disturbance at what others seem to take for granted. Don't repress it in the shame they engineered in you, because to repress it is to lose awareness of yourself. You are the only one that can know your own feelings, and judge which are or aren't valid or shameful for yourself, on your own basis. Not on the basis of scriptures, or gurus, or mental health experts, or social pressures, or stupid inspirational quotes passed around online.
You know, somewhere far inside, that you are worth more than the desperate, love-degrading games set up here, and can't cover up that sense completely; it will forever work it's way into other problems, manifest itself somewhere, in other forms, and the world will never know peace.
If you give your love; sacrifice, invest, devote; then you are worth love - what should be the most fundamental of all laws - and it's time to stand up for yourself, on your own, and stop listening to the lies, and the rhetoric, excuses, guilt, ridicule, and start believing that love is worth defending, and that those who speak against it are not. There is nothing more important, and never will be, and this problem will never go away.
There are no parental figures or religious demigods or teachers or gurus that can hold you by the hand, you are only wasting your time by waiting around for someone to save you. Watching the world unfold and unfold, forever becoming nothing, wasting your time on the carousel. None of it is going anywhere, love is lost and that's a crime. You don't want the path of no answers anymore, you want the truth, no matter what. You have to take the initiative to stand up, for once, for the only thing that will ever make any sense, and follow it through to anything, even death, because the world will never know relief until we all stop being weak, and making excuses, and lying.
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