Cold Fulfillment

Does everyone have such a poor understanding of themselves, that every negative feeling they experience(outside of ones which are most based on socially acceptable problems) becomes a "disorder", "disease", "sickness", some kind of defect? As if it's just some sort of misfiring chemicals in a biological process unique to some failure of genetics particular to themselves.

And yet everybody's got something..

"Existential Despair"

So, if you're not keeping up with the power struggle, must be something wrong with you. Don't look to understand your self/feelings deeply. Look to the surface. Look to the body. Look at what you're supposed to be in the power struggle. Because maybe we can invent a superdrug that magically brings people fulfilment. Maybe we can deny our selves.

But this isn't working either. Just like the festering political obsessions. People need love. All this coldness towards the deepest parts of ourselves that need validation, in favor of emotionless, superficial understanding, it's only making things worse.


So everybody's got something, yet they always act like it's unique, like it's a special defect. Because that's the image we pushed, every day on TV, this power struggle, the images that everyone is having a riotous good time, a false image we hold up to the world, in competition. It's not real. So when people feel these bad things, they stigmatize them in themselves, or they repress and deny them, they think there's something wrong with them. I guess.

The one question I can never seem to stop asking myself lately is why, why does most of the world fail to understand themselves the way I always have? I always looked inside myself and knew what was going on, and why I was upset, and it's so hard to learn that most people do not have this same understanding.. I was always taking for granted that everyone else's experience must be like my own. But it's not. It's like they exist only in this world we see in front of us, and for them the power struggle is of prime importance, so if you're not playing the hollow game, and furthermore winning, there's something wrong with you. They only see the game, not the importance of love. So things like loneliness and exclusion are interpreted as "low self-esteem", and all the other usual shallow, cold-hearted, dominating, backwards, garbage assessments.

Have we gotten it right this time, with all the therapists and physicians, psychologists and so on? The evolution from the psychotherapy babble of the 20's, Jung and Freud, and whatever stream of endless influence that went into our formation, their formation, and the formation of those who came before. The insane asylums, medieval demonological and astrological influences? Bloodletting and primitive rituals, alchemy, exorcism, did we finally get it right this time? Do we have a better grip on the understanding of human fulfillment? Has our scientific application helped us understand happiness one iota better? Are therapist's offices a sane place free of our perpetual lies, rhetoric, and denial?

No!

"Scabs that will Never Heal"

Why is it so hard for other people to recognize this place inside themselves?

Did I learn to be this way over lifetimes I don't remember? Or does my mind just work better? Was I pushed out of common dull understanding by a series of unique events in my own personal life throughout childhood? Or is there a quality of soul, where some are just plain honest, and others are not? Are people evil? Or just severely, profoundly confused? Does it even matter? Because I'd rather just believe they're evil.. because I don't ever want my soul to be a part of theirs, after all they've done, and their complete inability to see and understand.