The pain of the emptiness of loneliness. Of jealousy, of being without or outside while others have, possess. It is like a weight pulling down on my soul.
It is literally and physically a feeling like the pain of hunger. Like my insides are being stabbed, a thousand tiny needles, generally within my abdomen, or heart and chest, depending. It's almost indistinguishable, but not enough that I can't sense when I'm hungry..
And yet, I feel that I could actually be prone to eating when I'm not necessarily hungry, because of it.
If it wasn't for my very non-addictive, non-disordered psyche, it would be easy to imagine me developing an "eating disorder" of eating too much and becoming overweight.
As a soul I experience this world sensorially through my body, like my soul stretched out into the information I receive, and it seems like profound experiences even translate in this way, to a physical experience of pain.
And it never really goes away.
It is the pain of caring.
It is the pain of love, and devotion.
Love is given value through suffering. Significance. It is as if I am building love, and that is the meaning of suffering.
The world ubiquitously ignores it, despite it being the most indeniable and powerful thing I've ever felt. The only real thing that upsets me about life. And there's something very suspicious and revealing about that? But perhaps it is also just too ugly for most people - weak souls - to look at.
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