Non-Judgmentalism II

There is, of course, bad in certain kinds of judgments. Since I made it clear in my last post on judgmentalism that I'm not against being judgmental, let's spell out the difference between different kinds of judgments.

Everywhere I've been I've seen the same thing.. When I'm at work and have to take orders, there is, as with every job I've ever had and all customer-employee relations, the very strong sense of the hostility for the general customer base, and the employees in return.

These people are hanging by a thread, just waiting for you to mess up, so they can jump on you and make a judgment. You can absolutely sense it.

In return, the employees are utterly aligned against the customers. There's always the griping, and mocking customers behind their back, talking about the orders and the people and what they say and do, and how stupid they are perceived to be. And this is constant.

Sometimes customers will be especially "nice", trying real hard to force a nice demeanor, really contrived. I don't think too much differently of this, since it essentially seems to be motivated by a desire to feel superior to all the 'negative' others.

Maybe a lot of this griping is just letting off steam over rotten people that are upsetting.
But behind a lot of these attitudes people display, is the desire to feel superior. To gain power.

So often there's this attitude like "everyone else outside of us is stupid and inferior, but we - the people of this particular group - we get it." And I hate that. They can't see that they're all just the same, and doing the same.

Making these judgments about the customers or employees, just waiting for your chance to jump on them and be like "A-Ha! you're stupid!", makes us feel special and superior and set apart from the masses, yet in a very shallow and false way.

But it's too easy to make false associations. Because people exhibit this destructive behavior in every corner of the earth, it's too easy to look at it and go "oh, being angry with others is bad, making judgments about others is bad." But it's really just the specific aspect of attempting to gain power and superiority.

There is hate and judgment for the purpose of ego and power, and there is sincere hate and judgment over the genuine feeling of hurt by the abuse of the hunger for power.

It seems that sufficiently lost individuals are unable to firmly hold on to the distinction between the two. Perhaps they would read this and intellectually agree with it, but then they would exercise hatred against others for the purpose of feeling special, while attempting to claim it's the honest breed. Maybe they even cloak it that way to disguise from themselves so they can get away with it and get what they want.
I of course can't be the arbitrator of all disputes, but the distinction is rather clear to me.

Holding back enough of my judgments for long enough, over the course of years, in favor of a forced smile in the face of disturbing, power-hungry lifestyles, left me only still feeling a screaming, unsilenceable voice inside, saying even louder this time that "remaining silent and passive is absolutely wrong!" And this built in me the understanding that there must be something wrong with the philosophy of non-judgmentalism, and an understanding of the difference, which I do not even really feel tempted to abuse. Not even against those who have my sincere judgments. If I hate someone, I hate them for the sincere reasons, and leave the judgements that give me a high of superiority out of it. Because I know that sooner or later, having that sort of attitude only leaves me feeling cheap and soulless. I'm not trying to dance on their grave, I'm genuinely hurt and disturbed by them, and feel it would be a betrayal of love to not speak passionately against what they say or do. And when I'm passionately speaking, I'll take care not to get lost in my passion and start feeling special and superior about it... if I lose sight of what's important, if I start getting a self conscious sense of ego about myself in my anger, if I start thinking of myself as 'big and bad', I'll lose sight of the message, lose my will, and the message will become destroyed. What is important is what is important. Hatred should have genuine soul in it, and such soulful hatred should not be restrained. (strategic reasoning aside)


The idea that hatred is antithetical to love is a misconception, and probably comes from the external appearance of things. Being angry does not, after all, put on a very affectionate display of things. It's not something of a positive or affirming demeanor. But hatred nonetheless is one of several necessary tools to be used in the service of honest love. It's defense of the meek, and love is worth defending. Forget everything Jesus or Gandhi or Buddha told you, because their words have been spread all about by popular culture, yet have not borne fruit. You can't let the intimidation of the authority such figures carry socially get in the way of what your heart honestly feels is right. Some of them repeatedly told you to look inside yourself anyways, so why feel guilty for listening to your deeper self alone, as best you can understand it.

It's the desire for power and ego versus the desire for love.. again as always. Nothing else is important.

You Are Being Lied To

There is a special place in hell for all those who use the "insecure" accusation against others' loneliness and jealousy, to keep awareness away from the repressed guilt that whore culture carries.

Everyone knows what it means to give your love, to give yourself, what your personal world means, what it means to be alone, and to invest in that solitude, as a gift, and to be betrayed in all of these things - no one can be so stupid, to deny this. And yet, here they are. This should be the most obvious of all things in existence, and yet most have stigmatized all awareness of it, more than anything else in the world. People need love, the validation, safety and preservation of their personal world, to belong and exist in fairness and promise, to receive the love they give, and there is no excuse, no manipulation, no slut rhetoric, no lie that will ever completely erase that fact forever. You cover it up, and it just boils over, as it has been for millennia. The meaning of love hides in plain sight.

You are being systematically lied to, manipulated and controlled, everywhere in every aspect of culture, for the purpose of others' domination and power. To believe that you are a defect, a mythological creature, and that your feelings are unwarranted, invalid. To make you question yourself for even thinking that you might be different.
If you are alone, if you value yourself, and your personal world, if you can't bring yourself to give up on love as easily as everyone else... This is for you. And your feelings, which are valid. And all the hatred, all the jealousy, all the sadness, all the sense of disturbance at what others seem to take for granted. Don't repress it in the shame they engineered in you, because to repress it is to lose awareness of yourself. You are the only one that can know your own feelings, and judge which are or aren't valid or shameful for yourself, on your own basis. Not on the basis of scriptures, or gurus, or mental health experts, or social pressures, or stupid inspirational quotes passed around online.

You know, somewhere far inside, that you are worth more than the desperate, love-degrading games set up here, and can't cover up that sense completely; it will forever work it's way into other problems, manifest itself somewhere, in other forms, and the world will never know peace.

If you give your love; sacrifice, invest, devote; then you are worth love - what should be the most fundamental of all laws - and it's time to stand up for yourself, on your own, and stop listening to the lies, and the rhetoric, excuses, guilt, ridicule, and start believing that love is worth defending, and that those who speak against it are not. There is nothing more important, and never will be, and this problem will never go away.

There are no parental figures or religious demigods or teachers or gurus that can hold you by the hand, you are only wasting your time by waiting around for someone to save you. Watching the world unfold and unfold, forever becoming nothing, wasting your time on the carousel. None of it is going anywhere, love is lost and that's a crime. You don't want the path of no answers anymore, you want the truth, no matter what. You have to take the initiative to stand up, for once, for the only thing that will ever make any sense, and follow it through to anything, even death, because the world will never know relief until we all stop being weak, and making excuses, and lying.

Spinning through Darkness

We are spinning around on a piece of dust in utter darkness, by mere freak chance holding orbit over a giant ball of hellish fire, lost in a sea so big we can't even see the end of it, far too far from other civilizations to ever reach them, as a species, facing certain extinction. As humans, left to a world of brutality, with no one to guide us, no true adult that can show us the way, as we learn upon becoming adults ourselves, and realizing we are still just lost children, no one we can really confide in, every romance appears to be phony. There is no safety, assurance, certainty, or rest in anything. Everything dies, everything becomes disordered, the laws of thermodynamics ensure that everything will dissipate into nothing, that nothing lasts, every meal is fought for, nothing is sustained, everything at a cost. Everything is separated, and vastly far apart, and lost in unimaginable numbers. It's all behind the feeling you get looking at the stars, the overwhelming sense of smallness, that momentary awareness of intense existential loneliness which we quickly hide from and deny. It's all a very ugly, horrifying dream of terrible existential loneliness - Worst of all the loneliness. The sense that no one is there, that god has abandoned you in this place. For what purpose, no one knows why. If this awareness creeps up on you at the wrong moment - lying in bed at night, far from home, alone, the fear is so immense that it can be paralyzing. The universe.. I don't so much understand calling 'beautiful'... It's like a dream of calling out into a gargantuan void of darkness, cold and starving, and no one, and no god is there to answer.

Stranger still is how romantically attracted I am to the overwhelming existential loneliness. I can never escape the sense that it means something equally overwhelming. I don't run from the lonely sense I get staring up at the stars at night, like a coward running into the house to turn on all the lights and make a bunch of noise. I get lost in and fixated on this emptiness.. And somewhere in it get the vague and fleeting sense of something beyond.

"Pineal Cones, Stars, Eternal Loneliness & Overwhelming Insignificance"

Non-Judgmentalism

I am not ashamed to feel hatred.

Whether a person hates at times or not is not what makes a person valuable or spiritually 'advanced'.
This is not one of the important qualities, and such hatred often will actually occur as a result of expressing truly important qualities, while others betray.

When people try to cut you down for being "bitter" or "hateful" they're just trying to manipulate and control, they're just trying to get a grip of superiority. They're being defensive. It is as with the argument that one is being "judgmental". Judgments are a part of life, and we all make and excuse our own judgments.... like when we judge someone for being judgmental. Not to defend any particular philosophies, but it's curious how people will call others' philosophies "hate speech", as if it has some special meaning.. but then hate them for it. So you see, they set up hatred as a special stigma whereby they essentially can portray a person as less spiritually advanced for showing, and then they manipulate this portrayal to whatever advantage. They do not consider themselves to be the backwards, uncivilized man because they put on a facade of being temperate, upright, astute, level-headed, someone who would not succumb to such a 'primitive' thing as anger, and whether or not they have anger quickly becomes a new arguing point without even questioning whether it matters. But they have their own hatred too, and can't hide it from me.

Focusing on being a more forgiving, less "judgmental" (whatever that means) person is a false path of spirituality that will not lead to any meaningful answers. We have seen religious and spiritual leaders, gurus and teachers from all around the world repeatedly drill into us these concepts, and they have been widely dispersed among the people, and yet they have done nothing, and never even seem to work right. Some might argue that we are too puny to reliably live up to them, but if you pay close attention at all times, you can see the carrot and stick, you can see why they don't work, and why they're not called for, and why trying to force them into situations that aren't right only adds to the problem.

Why is it this way?
Why is hatred something we have a tendency to feel guilt about?
Why does that sort of psychology exist about it?
I'm really not sure, I hadn't put that much thought into it, I might have to contemplate this.

I don't feel guilty about my hatred, it's there for a reason, and most rancorously in defense of those characteristics which are truly valuable, and which I do not want to distract from with false spiritual paths.

Sanity as the Adherence to Standard Reference Points

It's funny, the perception of insanity is often little more than the state of one's mind departing from standard reference points. We see this reflected in statements like "he's gone" "his mind is gone". But we need this ability to dare to depart from the standard reference points, or we'll never have anything but the same cycle of culture we have now. The echo chamber of the blind leading the blind, with no one truly leading. We'll never have genius. And what do they say about that, too? "There is a fine line between genius and insanity." Seems that's because it reflects this same departure. And even the phrase "mental abnormality" or "abnormal psychology" is of course literally nothing more than categorizing things by being uncommon. Yet this sometimes curiously equates in our human minds as suspect, defect. I mean, what does the word "Abnormal" conjure up in your mind? It makes you think of deformed people, the elephant-man, the idiot brain put in Frankenstein, I bet. Perhaps that has something to do with evolutionary programming. There is a stigma about following a path that leads away from the generally known paths, whether large or small. (Culture and "counter-culture") They don't have to be the most mainstream, but they're established and known.

But following a unique path, isn't that something we all sort of crave and wish we were brilliant and heroic enough to do? The fear of negative feedback from others is a powerful force, the social spectrum mercilessly controls us. We feel that if nobody else is doing something, then it's just not something we're supposed to do. And we feel this way despite desperately wanting to be unique or rebel. When someone sets the precedent for something new, usually many others quickly follow, but it takes a long time for that first person to act. They will often quickly be considered crazy, until others catch on.

One good example of this is combat: When you go to war as an individual against society, they call you a terrorist. When you go to war as a substantial group against society, they call you a revolutionary. When you go to war as an entire society against another society, they simply call it war. The perceptions of insanity of course characteristically decrease with each larger group.

It is as with guilt, as I have mentioned before. Guilt usually being a lot - far more based on feedback from others rather than a deeply internalized sense of the right and wrong.

One caveat I have about all of this is that, I feel, we hardly need more people superficially "acting weird" or "different" in society. We have more than enough of people experimenting with literally every new gimmicky thing they can possibly come up with to distinguish themselves, and it is by it's nature shallow and egoistic, and no substitute for real value and love. Culture's constant attempts at finding meaning through shallow experimentation just end up making society more hollow in the end, as such ego ventures only leave a trail of empty, used-up vanity behind. Everything that a person does should be motivated by the pursuit of real value rather than shallow value or ego value or "just trying to be different for the sake of being different". However, the principle remains that people should not feel bound by standard reference points.